Independent reporting on American politics
STATE BEACON

Challenge Accepted, PETA

What's the best argument for bacon? Well, that's easy. Bacon. Tastes. Good.

Challenge Accepted, PETA

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) wants to know something:

I mean, honestly, there's only one argument that matters. And it was articulated almost a quarter century ago:

"Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good."

I mean, look, maybe there are other reasons to eat bacon—maybe it cures cancer and lets you fart rainbows in addition to being delicious, I dunno, I'm not a scientist, go ask Neil deGrasse Tyson if that's what happens, he probably has some annoyingly literal take on the matter*—but the only argument that truly matters is the one articulated by Mr. Vincent Vega.

What's the best argument for bacon? Well, that's easy. Bacon. Tastes. Good.

*"Actually, a pig's atomic structure is 99.9998 percent identical to tofurkey, so bacon is therefore no better than tofurkey. I drink my own urine because it is the same as wine. Derpity derp derp SCIENCE BITCHES."